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Para el Padre que Extraño

Ayer fue el día del padre, y no sé ni cómo sentirme.

No estoy feliz, ni estoy triste; simplemente me siento vacía,

porque tengo un padre, pero ha pasado tanto tiempo desde la última vez que lo vi,

desde la última vez que hablamos, que… a veces siento como si no tuviera uno.

 

Solíamos tener buenos tiempos, ¿verdad?

Solía haber una época en la que eras mi héroe, mi confidente,

mi mejor amigo, el guardián de mis secretos.

 

Hoy en día, cuando hablamos, no puedo evitar pensar

que no conozco al hombre frente a mi, y que él no me conoce.

Y una parte de mí, no puede evitar preguntarse si alguna vez lo hicimos.

¿Alguna vez te conocí?, ¿alguna vez  me conociste?

 

¿Cómo es que llegamos a este punto?

¿Cuándo dejaste de buscarme?, ¿cuándo deje yo de tratar de llamar tu atención?

¿Acaso soy una mala hija por no poder mirarte a la cara y seguir fingiendo que me creo todas tus mentiras?, ¿acaso soy mala hija por no poder pretender que no escucho cuando mientes al teléfono y dices estar solo?, ¿soy mala hija por no poder soportar más que me hagas a un lado por algo que te interesa más?

 

Al tratar de recordar los buenos tiempos,

porque hubieron buenos tiempos, ¿verdad?

He intentado recordar cómo me sentía cada día del padre.

Estaba emocionada estoy segura, ansiosa por ver si te gustaba mi regalo.

Impaciente por pasar el día contigo, y algunas veces decepcionada porque no pasabas todo el día con nosotros.

Porque siempre recibías una llamada, y nos dejabas atrás.

 

Este año, no te compre un regalo, no espere junto al teléfono  que llamaras y me dijeras si podía verte para pasar un tiempo juntos.

Este año, ni siquiera mande el mensaje que no responderías sino hasta el día siguiente;

no hice la llamada que dejarías ir a buzón y no regresarías sino hasta horas más tarde.

Y por eso me siento mal.

 

Porque debía haberlo hecho.

Porque aún eres mi papá.

Porque tuvimos buenos tiempos.

Y porque aunque la mayor parte del tiempo no sé qué sentir por ti.

Ame a ese papá, al papá que me conto historias, que me escuchaba,

quien me llevaba a tener aventuras, quien hizo todo lo posible por darme todo lo que necesite y quise; quien me llevo a mi primer concierto.

 

Así que esto es para el papá que fue el mundo para mi, quien real o no, realmente extraño.

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To the Father I miss

Yesterday was Father´s Day, and I don´t know how to feel.
I’m not sad, but neither and am I happy, I just feel kind of empty.
‘Cause I have a father, but it´s been such a long time since I last saw him;
since I last had a conversation with him that…, sometimes I feel like I don’t have him.

We used to have good times, right?
There used to be a time when you were my hero; when you were my confidant, my best pal, my secret bearer.

Nowadays, when we do talk, I cannot help but think that I don’t know the man in front of me and, he doesn’t know me.
And a part of me can’t help but wonder if we ever did.
Did you ever know me? Did I ever know you?

How did we get to this point?
When did you stop reaching out? When did I get tired of trying to get your attention?
Am I a bad daughter ’cause I can no longer look at your face and pretend I believe all your lies?
Am I a bad daughter ’cause I can no longer pretend I don´t hear you lying on the phone, pretending you are alone? ‘Cause I can no longer bear you leaving me aside for something that interests you more?

Trying to remember the good times, ‘
cause there were good times, right?
I tried to remind myself how I felt each Father’s Day.
I was excited, I’m pretty sure, anxious for you to see my present.
Thrilled to spend the day with you, and sometimes disappointed ’cause you wouldn’t spend all the day with us.
‘Cause you would always receive a call and leave us behind.

This year I didn’t buy you a present, I didn’t wait at my phone for you to call me and tell me when we could meet and spend some time together.
This year, I didn’t even send you a message you wouldn’t answer ’til the next day, I didn’t make the phone call I knew you would let go to voice mail and only return hours later.
And for that, I feel bad.

‘Cause I should have done it.
‘Cause you’re still my dad.
‘Cause we did have our good times.
And ’cause even though most of the time I don’t know how I feel about you.
I loved that dad, I loved the dad who told me stories, who listened to me, who took me on to adventures, who did everything he could to give me what I needed or wanted, who took me to my first concert.

So here is to that dad who meant the world to me, and whom real or not I really miss.

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Season of Changes (Temporada de Cambios)

winter-snow-flower-wallpaper-1.jpg

Almost 2 years ago, I started this blog as a way to practice my writing both in English and Spanish, as well as a form to be less lazy about writing. It´s enough to say I have failed since my last post was in September and the year is almost over.

Usually, by this point, I´d have thrown the towel, and abandoned this blog, but this time I couldn´t do it seems like this blog means more to me than I thought. I like to write what I think about the stuff I enjoy and have people read it. So no, I´m not abandoning this blog, though due to lack of time, some changes will have to be made.

Some of this changes have already taken place, and others will happen progressively, but it´s enough to say that from now on I´ll try to post at least every 2 weeks -which may complicate some other stuff- and to make my posts shorter.

I´ve thought about doing some kind of podcasting to deal with my weekly episode reviews ´cause I don´t like to be on screen, but I´m still unsure on how to make that work, anyhow thanks to all of you that still follow this blog and have taken the time to read this, I hope the changes are for good and to your liking, and for you to still follow me on this journey.

MERRY CHRISTMAS & A Happy New Year!

 

Hace casi dos años, inicie este blog como una forma de prácticar mi escritura, tanto en Inglés como en Español -pero sobre todo Inglés-, y una manera de ayudarme a ser menos floja a la hora de escribir. Sobra decir que fracase, en vista de que mi último post fue por  septiembre y estamos terminando el año. 

En fin… usualmente en este punto, ya habría tirado la toalla, y habría olvidado este blog, sin embargo, esta vez no he podido hacerlo, al parecer este blog significa más para mi de lo que pense. Me gusta escribir lo que pienso sobre cosas que disfruto y que la gente lo lea. Asi que no, no abandonare este blog, sin embargo… debido a falta de tiempo,  algunos cambios ocurriran.

Algunos de estos cambios ya son notorios, y otros seran progresivos, pero basta con decir que de ahora en adelante tratare de postear por lo menos cada 2 semanas -lo cual puede que complique un poco algunas cosas- y de hacer post más cortos.

He pensado en hacer una clase de podcasting para lidiar con mis reseñas de episodios semanales ya que no me gusta aparecer en pantalla, pero aún no estoy segura de como hacer que eso funcione en fin…, gracias a todos aquellos que aun siguen este blog y que se han tomado la molestia de leer esto, espero que estos cambios sean para bien y sean de su agrado y me sigan acompañando en este viaje.

¡FELIZ NAVIDAD Y AÑO NUEVO!

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Late Blooming

snow-snowdrop_2478128cFor must of my childhood, I was considered an early bloomer, and usually, that meant I hardly shared interests with my classmates. However, even if my tastes were classified as mature, I think I´m more of a late bloomer.

During my childhood I wasn´t really interested in dressing myself up, putting on makeup, doing my nails, dressing my hair, boys nor all the other girly stuffs I was supposed to like and is not until now that I´m in my middle 20´s that I have found interest in doing my nails, putting makeup and trying to look more girly -trying beeing the clue word ´cause at heart I´m a tomboy-

Blogging is just another of this late blooming things for me although it isn´t because I was never interested.

During my University years, one of my teachers asked us to make blogs of every subject he taught us -there were 3- and post our homework there. It was and interesting excercise and must of us loved it; thinking about it, may be it was then that the idea or el gusanito -like we say in my country- of wanting to make a blog came.

Unluckly it was also back then when I discovered I´m a potato with technology; at times Twitter can be difficult for me, and let´s not talk about instagram or god forbid tumblr. Facebook is as far as my skills with social media go, so… blogging was out of questions; and yet here I am trying again, all beacause I really want to excercise my professional writting about what I like; something that real life doesn´t alow me to do as means of income.

Therefor here´s my blog, a kind of experiment of how far I can go, how much I can commit and hopefully a means to do what I love.

´Cause I´m a native spanish speaker some of my entries will be in spanish, ´cause even if I like and want to practice my english, I don´t want and I won´t forget that spanish, is my natural language.